Racist garbage person pictured here.

Racist garbage person pictured here.

by Marty Lloyd Woldman 

When an Arkansas native troglodyte decided to rouse her unwashed, rancid flesh into her Sunday best to go to Wal-Mart to dehumanize people of color, little did she know she was signing her own death warrant.

After a video circulated the intertubes showing Wal-Mart that they’ve allowed a subhuman monster to stalk their toilet paper aisle, they banished the monster from their bountiful stores of plenty. This is certainly not the only time something racist was ever said at a Wal-Mart, but it’s a landmark because it’s the first time anyone was ever penalized for it (so far as is known by the author at this time.)

The racist monster’s grim visage--which is somehow a nightmarish amalgamation of your author’s Granny mixed with his third and fourth grade teachers--will haunt his unconscious till his dying day, but will haunt the Centerton, Arkansas Wal-Mart no longer. This backlash, however, may have more punitive consequences than anyone intended.

This monster’s virulent, pestilent species was first introduced to the ecosystem of the Americas in the late 1400’s. This blight ran roughshod over the local flora and fauna and decimating local populations with disease and death and inhuman treatment for centuries.

In the late 20th century, the monsters became completely dependent on the Wal-Mart food supply. All this monster has ever known is slogging herself out of the cesspool spawn pit for long enough to get her haggard wares from the great Valhalla of low priced one-stop shopping.

Now banished, this vile social parasite must slither along alone, into the wilderness, with no means of sustenance, eating handfuls of grass and twigs, then vomiting them up and blaming that too on the Mexicans. She will slowly starve, yelling racial epithets at trees and squirrels. She will probably call a cat or something a “f*g”. She will eventually die, but not before answering the heretofore unanswered philosophical question: If she yells “k*ke” at a bush and no one is around to hear it, is she still a loathsome piece of shit? SPOILER ALERT: She is.