Why I'm Still Going to Kenya...
AKA "Let's Get This Show on the Road!"
Ok, I don't usually post personal things, but here's why I'm still going to Nairobi this Fall:
The idea of #travelingabroad alone has always haunted me..
I actually chose to take an oral & written 2nd language exam at Georgetown, rather than go abroad.
And it reeeally cost me..
No seriously, it took me an additional 6 years to finally pass this language exam. That meant 6 extra years of working without a full degree.
Technically, #Georgetown counted me as an alum who didn't graduate, which makes no sense to anyone, anywhere. It was because I didn't fail any courses and had enough credits, and … it’s complicated - It was just this exam.. this terrible.. evil exam..
Anyway, that decision led to six years of abject poverty, with bursts of momentary wealth. I could've avoided all of that, had I just gone to Spain for the summer.
But to me, traveling on my own seemed like a larger than life feat. I didn't know how I'd get the money, I didn't know if I'd be able to speak Spanish well enough to function there, I didn't want to lose out on anything happening on campus, blah, blah, blah *farts*
It's the unknown. That's what's scary. But it's not impossible. I had to learn that..
So, last year I had plans to go to Nairobi
But again, here comes the Unknown: "How?"
I couldn’t figure it out in time. And things fell apart. BUT this isn’t about her anymore: The hardest thing I had to accept was that I wasn't ready to do it at the time, and that I wouldn't have another chance at the relationship once I was ready. I think I read somewhere this quote from Dr. Seuss: "Don't be sad it's over. Be happy it happened."
Anyway, even after I moved on, Nairobi still stayed in my mind. It became this nagging feeling of doubt. That I'll never be able to break outside of what I know on my own. That I couldn't live the life outside of what I'm accustomed, because I wasn't ready, or wasn't good enough. Yeah. That's what Nairobi became to me: "You can't make it."
I couldn’t shake it. Every check I cashed. Every project I finished. Every time things improved, Nairobi reminded me that it was only so much. It’ll never be enough. I’ll never be enough.
So.. therapy’s great lol But alongside that (betterhelp.com, for you guys short on time, or on a budget), and the awesome support from honest and loving friends and family,
I finally came up with a fitting answer to Nairobi’s:
“You can’t make it.”
It goes as follows:
“You got me f*cked up.”
I’m going to Nairobi. I need to prove to myself that I can handle the Unknown - even if that means a new level of success, stakes and responsibilities.
So here's what I'll do in Kenya:
1. I always dreamed about going there to finish editing all of the projects I shot for #thenoticeblog over the last two years. A lot of them seemed too big to do. (Fictional narratives, plays, tv pilots, podcasts, doc series, musicals, etc.) So: time to do them.
2. And I wanna take the time to write again. I want to create brand new work (podcast, musicals, plays, screenplays, etc.) in a space that's outside of what I know, and yet still home.
3. I WILL STILL BE ACCEPTING FREELANCE VIDEO EDITING GIGS ABROAD. Hit me up: firstname.lastname@example.org
4. After Nairobi, I'm heading to STL for my grandad's 100th birthday, then to Haiti for a Black Arts Retreat thing on NYE. Then maybe back to Kenya, or off to London, or LA, who knows?
5. There's a business side to this too: I'll be shooting and licensing stock footage via drone, as well as shooting upon request, so hit a brotha up if you have leads, or have a freelance gig.
6. I'll be hiring videographers in my network to shoot projects with smaller budgets in NYC, and flying back for bigger budget productions -
7. Kickstarter? Soon. I'm finally ordering these fulfillments from last year with Glenn tomorrow, but I realized.. I gotta raise more money next time. I need to be able to work on the company full-time - Look, companies.. *clears throat* production companies are EXPENSIVE things to run - why did no one tell me this??
In the end, I want to be able to run a successful production company with my friends from anywhere in the world. In fact, I plan on turning that into an asset.
When you have an awesome support system with the people you love and trust, things like that are always possible.
Anyway, I'm rambling.
- Paul Notice II